American Week

It’s American week at my local Lidl supermarket. American week! Each week the store features special foods from a different country. I missed English week last time around which bummed me out because it’s the only time you can get decent cheddar cheese around here without driving to France. I miss cheddar cheese, much like my son did once upon a time. But I’m getting distracted. This is not English week, it’s American week and I made a point of getting myself to the store in order to see what it is that we Americans eat.

I was imagining a display of hamburger buns and things to barbecue, maybe an apple pie and some marshmallows, but I was hoping there would be a few surprises for me. I wasn’t disappointed. Not even one of the things I imagined was in the special display area. Nothing to grill, no pies, no cornbread mix or beef jerky. No turkeys for roasting, no popcorn, no macaroni and cheese. No southern food, no Tex-mex, no cream of mushroom soup for a classic midwest style casserole. Absolutely nothing that I consider American cuisine. My eyebrows were raised so high they flew off my face.

You want to know what American food is according to Lidl? Hot Dog Sauce. Not Hotdog Sauce, Hot Dog Sauce. Both Cheese Style and Chipotle Style. We put it on our warm canines, of course, but also on our American Style Chicken Strips (with “curry flavour dip”), American Style Snack Box (mozzarella sticks, chili cheese nuggets, onion rings), and Curlies.

 I don’t know if “American Snack Box and Curlies” is really the right way to market these products. It doesn’t sound like we are talking about food. Maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, on with our red, white and blue meal.

We wash down the salt and grease with a nice glass of White Chocolate flavour Frappé. Or Cinnamon flavour if we are feeling spicy. Just add milk! I love how flavour is spelled the English way on all of these things, not the American english way. Do you think there is any sneaky cheddar masquerading as Velveeta somewhere around here?

After dinner we indulge in true blue American treats like mini brownies, ice cream donut, and jelly beans.

I don’t have a picture of the jelly beans. I bought them, took them home and ate them all without thinking because I do love jelly beans in a very American way.

But the meal is not over yet, oh no. The best is yet to come.

After dessert we prepare ourselves for the American treat that all other American treats long to be. We sit in our SUVs and pickup trucks, flying our stars and stripes, surrounded by guns, listening to jazz or country music while we talk about freedom and baseball and New York City. Then we rip open a bag of…

Giant Peanut Flips. 

What the hell are Giant Peanut Flips? When do you eat them? Are they fried? Are they sweet? Are there regular sized Peanut Flips? All I know is that they are 33% peanuts, and one of about 15 foods chosen to represent our country. You know, along with White Chocolate Frappé. I must be from the wrong part of the country because I have never heard of such a thing. I didn’t buy them because I knew I didn’t want to eat a bag of these Giant Flips on my own and my son is allergic to peanuts. So they remain a mystery. If you can enlighten me you will win a prize of some Hot Dog Sauce next time American week rolls around.