Another Project I’m Unqualified For
There is the side of ourselves we show freely to the world, and then there is the rest, the parts that make us who we really are. All the vulnerable, fascinating, complicated bits. These bits are the reason I still love humans when as a collective we pretty much suck. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, here in the place and time that I live, with the pressure to nurture image instead of what makes us real and imperfect. I find myself hungry for someone to gift me their authentic self from time to time. It truly does feel like a gift to be let into the depths of a person instead of just kept in the shallows. We have decided as a society that it is rude or distasteful to be on either the asking end or the telling end of a conversation that could make someone uncomfortable. It is not part of our culture to share in that way unless it is with a therapist or close friend and the result is that there are big gobs of people walking around who want to be known but have no idea how to go about it.
On first meeting a person (or even just seeing them), we do a lot of guessing about them. It comes from a place of intuition, judgment, optimism, insecurity, or whatever force is strongest in us at the moment. Sometimes for me, a person comes into my life and I just know that there is more to them than meets the eye. And that is when the real speculation begins. Wondering about (and observing!) people is one of my great joys in life. There are people who pique my curiosity more than others, of course, but I really do believe that everyone has a story worth hearing.
I’ve met so many intriguing people during my time in Italy and it has led me to an idea. I want to explore further this concept of what a person lets us see of them at the beginning as opposed to who their more complicated self is. I’m going to try and find some people who will let me write about them. This will take finesse and people skills, quite possibly more than I possess.
The first hurdle, as you can imagine, will be getting people to agree to let me interview them. “Hello there person who speaks a different language than me. I’m a non professional writer who would like to ask you a bunch questions about your life. I have no experience, no credibility and you have no reason to trust me. You know who I am because I keep showing up in your town, drinking various beverages in various cafes, butchering your language and making a fool of myself. I understand that I’m a topic of conversation and you’ve probably heard unflattering things about me, most of them true, but would you like to come over and have an awkward conversation with the aid of a translation app about what’s in your heart?” Sounds tempting doesn’t it? They will be lining up! I’m counting on the theory that most people do want to feel heard and known. (But maybe not by me…)
The second hurdle will be the interview itself. Questions that don’t feel like an interrogation. A conversation that invites people to tell me something personal, but not so intense that people are afraid to look at me on the street after. I’m open to suggestions on how to do this if you happen to have any.
As formidable as those hurdles will feel, the biggest challenge will be with my own self. I don’t know if I can get over my shyness. I don’t know if I can explain the concept to people. I don’t even know if the concept is fully formed! I don’t know if I trust myself to tell someone’s story. I’ve never done that kind of writing and the stakes are high. Treating a story with the reverence and tenderness it deserves is maybe more responsibility than I can handle. The whole thing has lots of flop potential. I think I’ll try though, because I’m more curious than nervous. I’m heading over to Italy for the next week to take care of some things and I will try to work up the nerve to approach some people with this idea. If anything comes of it you’ll be the first to know.
Ohmygosh Ivy, Jesse and I did this! For more 5 years! We started a neighborhood blog when we lived in belltown called belltownpeople.com with the sole purpose of building a sense of community. We interviewed store owners and bartenders, baristas and regular neighborhood characters..people who you see everyday if you live in that neighborhood. And we met them for coffee and then just asked them questions like..tell me your story, how did you get into this, and what are you passionate about, and then just listened and asked questions organically and took some photos and went home and made blog posts. We got up to 11,000 unique visitors to the website each day! It was a hobby, the purpose was to give our neighborhood a sense of community, knowing one another and the people that they saw everyday in their neighborhood. But it also gave their businesses that they ran a boost, when people feel personally connected..they want to give your store more business and are more loyal customers. And it was so cool to make so many new friends this way as well. I think knowing the stories of people around you in Italy will make you feel more connected to the community around you for sure and may do the same for them with each other. ❤️❤️ Can’t wait to hear about it! Go for it girlfriend!
This is amazing Trina, I had no idea you did that! I’m going to check out the blog when I’m waiting at the airport tomorrow. I will pick your brain about it when I get home. XO
Oh goodness, It was 10 years ago, I’m not even sure that the website is still up! But yes I would love to chat with you about it when you get back❤️
I’m intrigued and I cannot wait to hear all about your adventures. Your idea takes courage to new heights.
Don’t get too excited. It may be an utter failure!
I think this is wonderful. I know it will be a success because you are careful, kind and thoughtful. I think you will find most people want to share and are grateful someone asked. Ps thank you for representing us open heartedly.
While the ‘success’ part is questionable, I promise I’m doing my best to represent a certain sector of Americans. The dorky, sensitive, awkward but well meaning sector.
I have no doubt that you will approach this with authenticity, friend. When you do that people want to open up and connect. I think you’ll find you’ll learn just as much about yourself in the process as you learn about others. What a fascinating project. I can’t wait to hear more about it.
It will most definitely be a learning experience!
Ivy, I think you are perfectly suited for this project. People will respond to your warmth and candor. (Although maybe not that lady at Mele Blu! ) I can’t wait to hear what you come up with. So many characters in that town!
XOX
I’m afraid I might be becoming one of the characters myself!
Ivy! I just love love love this! I had the great fortune of having the opportunity to help some people tell their stories some time ago when I wrote “survivor stories” for the American Heart Association, and I can honestly say it was the most rewarding thing that I’ve ever done, professionally. It’s an intimate experience to pose questions to a stranger which invite them to share who they really are, beneath the surface- and a gift when you’re trusted with helping to put language around what they are willing to share. I know you will do a beautiful job- I can just tell from the sensitivity of your writing and the candor of your perspective. I can’t wait to read more!
Incidentally, I think we are swapping spots in Italy- I’m in an airport hotel in Milan (en route from Sicily) flying home tomorrow. Buon Viaggio!
Thank you for telling me this Mary. I would love to read your stories, is there a place where I can see them?
We are switching spots. I’m at the SeaTac airport now! I’m so sorry your trip was sullied with Covid. I hope you were still able to enjoy Sicily. I was there for a few days in 1999 (!) and loved it. I’ll get back there one of these days. Thank you for your kind encouragement!
This is such a lovely idea! I think that people will respond positively because I believe every person wants to be seen, listened to, understood, and valued for the things that make them unique. Taking this approach makes me effective at my professional storytelling – though, in a wholly different context. One of my clients said once that he loves America because it is the first time in his life he has been treated like a human being. And I think that not only is that the crux of what people are craving, it is universal.
This humanity is what I’m sure makes you a fantastic lawyer and advocate Vanessa. Your clients are lucky to have you.
Work worth doing…
I think the hard part (for me at least) would be admitting out loud the judgy, petty, biased, wicked things that flit through my mind before I (usually) let a better sensibility take over. I love, love, love hearing people’s very real stories, especially when they take on my horrible misperceptions!!!
Do for it. People love to talk about themselves.
I think that is a fantastic idea, I am also absolutely intrigued by people and crave real stories. I will eagerly read this, friend.