Home away from home
I’m here in our little town of Pieve di Teco for my longest stretch yet. Felix and I arrived a few days ago and we will be here until mid August. The rest of the family and a couple of friends are coming for bits of time here and there, but for now it’s just us two. This is a test I have given myself. This place that I love so much, that pulls me out of my shell and forces me to be brave, will I still be as enamored with it while single parenting? Will I still feel the same affection when I’m less in vacation mode and more in living here mode? I’ve been dealing with some depression for the last few months as well so it will be interesting to see how it feels to be here when I’m not at my best. I’m going to try and use this forum to keep a public journal of sorts, partly because I know some of you are curious, and partly just for my future self. So perhaps there will be more frequent, shorter posts?
It turns out, shockingly, that my neurodivergent 9 year old is still a challenge for me, even in another country. I know, I know, it’s mind blowing. Really, he is just exactly the same, but I find myself spending more energy worrying about what people think of me as a parent, and his grab-life-by-the-balls-and-run-into-traffic-with-it personality. It makes me shy and self conscious, which I’m not proud of. It’s still early and I’m hoping to find my groove but for now I’m saying yes to more sugar and screen time than I would normally be okay with just to make things easier. I want so badly for Felix to make some friends here but the language barrier is really tough. Normally he makes friends easily, but when you only know how to say “hi”, “thank you” and “I would like a steamed milk please” your friend making abilities are limited. Maybe we need to find a cafe that only uses children as waiters? Perhaps a family owned dairy? I know about 50 times more Italian than Felix but that’s not still not much. I should probably learn how to talk about farts and Minecraft in Italian so I can help him out but I’d also like to make more friends and I’m in danger of ostracizing myself under the best of circumstances.
Today we said ciao to two different boys we saw on the sidewalk and later a teenaged girl winked at Felix while we were swimming at the river (which was both a thrill and an embarrassment to his young ego). I’m calling that progress. Baby steps, or “piano, piano” as they say here.
UPDATE!!! We went for a walk through town after dinner last night and found a group of boys who let Felix join their soccer game. He charmed them with gum from my purse and enthusiasm (definitely not soccer skills because he is my kid after all). He was beaming and I was proud of his courage. I sat on a bench next to some other tired looking moms and it felt like we’d had a big success.
Dear Ivy, how brave you are, sharing your daily intimate experience of your new Ligurian (holiday) life with us, without hiding your fears and questioning. I really look forward to seeing you at the beginning of August. Big affectionate hugs to the two of you
I’m so looking forward to seeing you too. Though we’ve hardly spent any time together I feel like we were meant to meet. Love to you!
You’re amazing.
Oh jeesh. 🙄😚
Thru experience, my son and I did a Europe trip thru 6 countries that neither of us new anything but how to say hi and goodbye. I survived and he bloomed. The world now is his comfort spot. He can get on a plane with 3 day notice, and go to work in Antarctica. Or his new adventure of contacting a factory in Italy and buying a comercial pasta maker. Remember that little bits go in and big things come out.
That’s a great way to think of it Howard! You never know how experiences will shape your kids. I’m collecting ideas for your trip here (and lots of beach supplies!)
Oh Ivy, you are so hard on yourself! What a wonderful learning experience for you both. Let go of what others think about your amazing parenting skills and let the hours FLOW into lovely memories, OR mistakes to learn from! Have FUN! The river is beautiful! Enjoy your time together. It’s really not important what other people think…☮️💜
It’s actually one of the freeing things here. No one knows if we are odd or unintelligent or just foreign. No matter what we will be outsiders so we might as well be ourselves!
Maaaaan, I am so grateful to you for sharing your beautifully human experiences. As usual, your writing is refreshingly hilarious, relatable and inviting. Please keep em coming, I can’t wait to read more about your Italian adventures and to hear about them in person when you return! 💜
And now I’m dreaming of when we can all come there…..too bad I can’t hop a plane right now so Ellis and Felix could talk about farts and Minecraft together.
It would be a blast to have you guys here! As soon as those beautiful kids are ready for a big trip let me know and we will make it happen. And Landon would go nuts with his camera, everything already looks like a postcard.
LOVE reading about your life experiences, ivy! Keep writing and I’ll keep reading. Love you. Also good job keeping gum in your bag!
Thank you! Love you! I will be buying all the gum from now on…
How quickly things can turn around! Your beautiful boy and his wickedly sweet and beguiling smile (and gum!) worked wonders in no time. And those tired Moms you were sitting with all have boys just like yours, that’s why they’re so tired! Be kind to yourself. You’ve always been so much more than you see, but we see it! Trust your friends, we know what we’re talking about. I’ve always been surprised you could walk without falling over all your gifts. You’re agile and brave. You’re going to have a wonderful time, and Felix will have a life-changing experience. Love you so much!
Oh Kathy, I can always count on you for a pep talk. All is well here. I love you too, so much!