It’s Time to Clear the Air
I know I’ve been quiet. Too quiet. The truth is, there is so much I want to write about, so many things to share, but there is also a big scary thing that has kept me from being able to face my own keyboard. I don’t know how to talk about it, but it is time to try.
My marriage, which has been on shaky ground for some time, has asked to be reconsidered. Robert and I have now been living apart for almost six months. It hasn’t been an easy time. Much soul searching has gone on all around as we find our way through to whatever is next. What I know is just the simplest of truths: we are not together, we are apart.
If you are one of those gasping and saying, “But no! Not them! They are supposed to stay the way I liked them!”, I want to tell you this: No marriage is bulletproof. Not the 5 year marriages, or the 50 year marriages, or the 23 year marriages. There is always risk because, guess what? We are people. We change, we screw up, we get lazy, we make bad decisions. Sometimes we wake up to the fact that we are cramming ourselves into a life that doesn’t fit anymore, like a pair of pants that won’t button without pinching you.
While lamenting that I don’t know how to write anymore, with this reality hanging over my head, some loving friends have been adamant that I do not have to be an open book. I can continue to tell stories and leave out the stuff that I’m actively living and struggling to understand. I appreciate this; it’s true and it’s sensitive. At the same time it feels like a get-out-of-jail-free card, and not in a good way. I think that those of you who read and enjoy what I have to say do so because I try to be real. I am not writing fiction. I am writing about this confusing, sometimes funny, always humbling trip through actual life. And for that reason I can’t give you the cute or touching stories of Italian mishaps and adventures without also telling you that I’ve been wading my way through a guilt ridden, resentment filled, heart breaking experience. It colors the way I see the world right now. I am, admittedly, a bit jaded at times, as well as vulnerable and terrified. I know that makes me sound like a complete drag to be around, but I’m also wide open to the experiences and pleasures the world has to offer me. My spirit is poking around in a differently shaped home. It’s not what I expected. It’s not what I planned. But it’s not awful. In fact, in spite of all the fear and pain, I think I’m okay. I AM okay, and I am so very glad to be here – on earth, in Italy, letting the adventure guide me where it will. In this moment, even though I feel like a baby in the world, I also feel like I’m stretching into the corners of my true self. Maybe for the first time in a long while. Maybe for the first time ever.
Ivy, thanks for being so real and so vulnerable. A good friend of mine often reminds me that when we’re doing something, going somewhere, growing something we’ve never done, gone or gr ownbefore, we don’t know how it’s going to turn out. Your vulnerability and willingness to be it fully, in front of everyone, is a testiment to you being fully alive even when you don’t know where that leads, showing the rest of us that there is a path, invisible in this moment, that will take you and us where we want to go, if we are willing to trod the stepping stones to get there.
I stand here holding the space for you to take those steps, do those things, grow in in ways you never imagined you would or even could, when you started the journey.
Ivy, you’ve got this no matter where it goes.
And yes, there most likely be soul searchingly challenging times, and you’ve still got this, no matter what. May you see the sunshine through all of the challenges, through all the tears, through all the love. May you keep up the good work and the growth, taking one step at a time.
I send you the warmest of hugs, an embrace. Thank you.
Always look forward to your thought provoking, open, honest, laid bare, posts.
And wishing you well.
Much love,
Bob.
Who knows what lies beyond the gate?💜💜 My sincerest BLESSINGS to each of you as you journey through this new chapter in your lives. Embrace the new with an open heart/mind. Don’t forget the beginning love that started it all, that pulled you all forward into now. And, most importantly, don’t forget to grieve with compassionate hearts, all that’s being left behind.💜💙🩵💜💙🩵
You are amazing – in all the ways. It is so important to know when it is time to grow separately so, honestly, while it is painful, its good to move forward healthily. I’m so sorry we didn’t connect on my trip a few weeks ago. Now I want to hop on a plane to just be a listening ear. ALTHOUGH – I know that you have many friends and confidants who are much closer to you, both physically as well as emotionally. Please just know that you have so so so so many people pulling for you and wanting you to ABSOLUTELY thrive. You and your heart are beautiful and worthy and have amazing things ahead of you. Maybe I need to hop on a plane and come buy a bottle of wine and share it with you!! 🙂 MUCH LOVE TO YOU.
Love and strength from me to you…although truly not sure you need borrowed strength because you’ve certainly got plenty of your own. Hope you can feel the hug. ❤️
La vie est dure, sans confiture. C’est vrai, quoi, a la fin, sans blague.
Remember that.
But seriously. As you go through this, always remember one thing.
Oh, nothing specific, but pick one thing and remember it. Like, maybe Oreos. Or ice cream. Or oreos with ice cream. No, that would be two things. This is difficult. How about, as you go through this, remember the capital of Nepal. There.
I’m thinking about you, Ivy, and hoping for you and yours much better days ahead.
We’re sending our love and support as you and yours take this journey.
W&R