You Need a Good Laugh
It’s been a rough week. I mean, it’s been a rough seven months and I wish I had something profound to say about it all but I’m just putting one foot in front of the other and not feeling particularly insightful. But this week, man. I think we can all agree that it’s been a killer, even by pandemic standards. The anxiety is just palpable. We need some thing to lighten the mood and I am coming to you with an offering. I present to you: A Laugh At My Expense
Online school. I’m not even going to go into it, but I think most of us can agree it is less than ideal. Especially if your second grader is high energy/boarder line ADHD and uses you, mama, as a receptacle for all the bad feelings of this time. We are doing our best and some days are better than others. Yesterday was not one of those days.
As I was in the kitchen obsessing over the election results in Georgia, I heard Felix’s class start their first Zoom meeting of the morning. The “Question of the Day” was something about favorite jokes. The kids were sharing the typical seven year old jokes you find on a Laffy Taffy wrapper. Then Felix piped up with “I have a joke! I have a joke! A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an egg. He says ‘I got laid off.’ And the egg says ‘That’s rough. I got laid!'” Yep. Felix doesn’t know the double meaning, and hopefully neither did any of the other kids in class. But his teacher did. And the other parents listening did. Robert is 100% responsible for that blunder but do you think he feels sorry? No, no he does not.
That started the day off with a bang but it gets better. After 2 melt downs, falling out of his chair 8 times and spilling water on his Chromebook (that’s about 25 minutes for those of you who don’t tell time the same way I do), it was time for STEM class. STEM is one of Felix’s favorites. The kids get to build things and make messes, what’s not to love? It was “Free Build” day. His teacher said “You can paint, you can cut things out of paper, you can build something from the stuff in your recycle bin!” Felix had an idea and wasn’t asking for help so I went on with my election fretting and tea drinking, still in my bathrobe and not paying a whole lot of attention until the screaming started. He was on Zoom, with his camera and microphone on when he somehow managed to get a huge wad of hot glue on his finger. It was a bad burn and everyone got to hear (and see!) me rushing Fe out of the room and peeling hot glue off a big blister. When things were finally under control he told me we were supposed to take a picture of his project and turn it in so everyone could see what he had made. He showed me what he had built and it was a GUN made out of EMPTY WINE BOTTLES. There was no way I was letting that kid touch the glue gun again and I still wasn’t even dressed so we took a picture and sent it in (calling it a “cannon” because I thought that somehow sounds better even though it was most definitely a gun). The day did not get better from there.
So, if you’re feeling like a shitty mess of a parent this week, remember that you probably didn’t have to write an email to your kid’s teacher apologizing for dirty jokes, weapons and a house full of empty wine bottles. You’re welcome.
Ive….I’m so glad you are writing again! Maybe you should start a reality covid schooling show. This would be a great first episode. I am cracking up! What a perfect break from obsessively watching the numbers being crunched. Did you hear that Biden could get all 20 PA votes? (How about maybe a zillion times??….)
Just brilliant. XO
Thanks Chris. I actually kind of feel like I’m on a reality show half the time. One of the ones where a group of people get locked in a house together and then start fighting about laundry and someone eating all the snacks.
It seems unfair and a bit cruel to laugh, but I did, OUT LOUD! Life is absurd right now and I’m sorry for your huge challenges. However, thank you for sharing. In time, you’ll find this funny too, when you sober up perhaps! (Wink, wink!)
Oh believe me, I’ve been laughing. It’s the laugh of a person who’s not all together stable but when life becomes truly absurd you just can’t take it all too seriously.
Send Felix to me in New Hampshire! I’m teaching second grade in person outside. We’ve already had snow!
Outside school with you as the teacher would be the best thing in the world for Felix. And snow to boot! Hope you’re doing well Sykie.
Hahaha
Good job Felix! Improvise, overcome, adapt. You were wounded and still managed to construct a wine bottle canon! Very impressive.
We’ve had some glue gun mishaps as well. One of ours runs insanely hot (I think it’s broken) and some molten glue dripped onto Mayas finger. Luckily it was just a drip and it came off quick
Hannah’s last mini melt down came when she was doing a leaf people art project using leaves and a glue stick. The stems she was using for appendages were not sticking very well and she wanted help with it.
Thanks for then chuckle Ivy!
We can relate.
Darn glue guns! The art projects, while great, are a huge cause for meltdown around here (and I’m not just talking about Felix!) Hugs to you and your family.
Ivy—Thanks for the laugh. I have needed a little pick me up and you gave it to me. Love to you and keep writing.
Love to you too K. Your writing is such an inspiration to me.
Ah the joy and horror of parenting…Thanks for sharing, Ivy, and yes, keep writing!
Love, Lyn
Joy, horror, joy, horror. Horror, horror, horror, joy. And then collapsing in an exhausted heap. You hit the nail on the head Lyn.
Ok, I’ve seen a lot of hilarious content on the internet this week, but this takes the cake. Thanks for making us all feel unified in our mutual messes, you’re brilliant……PS I want a Baby Loves Butter podcast or YouTube channel.
Thank you Kristen, you flatter me!
I think if your life isn’t a mess right now then something is wrong.
Ah family life…thanks for the much needed laughs Ive!
Always love your writing…and I’m waiting for the book!! Love you❤️
Hi Ivy—you made my day with this blog! I sent it to several friends and my brother and we were all in stitches!
Barb
The wine bottles did me in.